—  Kirkcudbright resident  —
Statler coa
Coat of arms
Personal motto: "Whisky in a Jar." -Statler
Full title Cardinal Chamberlain of England, Scotland and Ireland.
Place of Residence (unknown), Kirkcudbright, Galloway
Affiliations Universal Roman and Aristotelian Church
In-game name Statler
Account created July 29th 1458
Forum name Statler


Statler is an inhabitant of Kirkcudbright, where he has been living since July 29th of the year 1458. Before that he has never had a place that he'd call home. In the early days Statler mostly kept to him self and minded his own business. But soon he felt he had to do more for the Town and County. So from November 1st 1458 he has been an appointed council member of the Town Council.

There are many things in life that has interested Statler, things like Politics (both Town and County) and Economics.

However since retirement from the life as a town official Statler ws focused on more true things in life. This gave him time to reflect and ponder about the world around him. In doing so he turned to the Universal and Roman Aristotelian Church.

Within time the urge to travel got hold of Statler, accuiring a ship and sailing to the main land was what he did in the years 1460 - 1462, returning back home early September 1462. The time a new part of his life begins, not yet certain what the future will bring to him. 

Kirkcudbright Town OfficialEdit

On the 1st of November 1548 Statler became an appointed Town Council member by Klovn, Mayor of Kirkcudbright at that time. Within a month Statler received his first official position in the town of Kirkcudbright. He became Chief Mentor, taking over this position from Jeanette Voerman. He held this position until he became Mayor in March 1459.

On January 18th 1459 the job of Chief Mentor was combined with that of Harbormaster. A role he took over from Klovn himself. Statler remained in this function until October 5th 1459.

In March 1459 Klovn announced his resignation as Mayor and Statler stepped up to fulfill this position. In his eyes a logical step after being Chief Mentor and Harbormaster. As Mayor Statler was active until September 20th 1459, covering a total of six terms. After his activity as Mayor of Kirkcudbright, Statler remained an active member of the Town Council of Kirkcudbright aiding a number of mayors in their tasks. Among them where, Roger.Smith, Dame_Pippi and Lance.

In December 1462 the Town Council was again without a candidate for the position of Mayor. Klovn was not feeling well and Aroch had too much on his hands, being in the County Council and even Duke. So Statler decided to step up to the challenge again and was elected as Mayor of Kirkcudbright on December 8th 1462.

The Way of the ChurchEdit

On the 5th of October 1459 Statler devoted his life to the Aristotelian Church and decided to follow the Church Way. He was baptised at that same day and became a Theologian of the Universal and Roman Aristotelian Church the next.

On October 23rd Statler completed the Seminary in Rome allowing him to be ordained as Priest. The ordination as Priest took place at the Kirkcudbright Church and was done by her Grace the Arch Bishop of Glasgow and Whithorn Alanna Kyles. This ceremony took place on October the 24th 1459, from that moment on he is known as Father Statler.

Statler was formally initiated into The Holy and Chivalrous Order of Her Sacred Rose as an Initiate Neophyte.This was done together with his friend from Wigtown, Pelenor on November 7th 1459.

Late november 1459, Statler was appointed as a Nuncio Council Member which is a council representative on the British Isle body that makes decisions on the churches direction. Nuncio Council is not as powerful as the Episcopal Assembly which is the Bishops/Arch Bishops and Cardinals but they provide invaluable assistance.

Late Februari 1460 the Episcopal Assembly voted to elevate Father Statler to Bishop of Whithorn. This to replace the previous bishop Jeanette Voerman, whom died in July 1459. As Bishop of Whithorn Statler had a short and easy time. He managed to find three new priests that would become the town's priests in the diocese of Whithorn.

Just after the election of Wallace, King of Scots, the Bishop of Whithorn was also appointed as Lord Chaplain of Scotland. Advisor to the king and member of the privy council. Another great honor for Statler.

With her Eminence Alana Kyles becoming less and less active, there was a need to settle things up north in the county of Glasgow. A bishop had to be installed there and become more visible. On July 13th 1460 Episcopal Assembly voted and elected Statler to be the next Archbishop of Glasgow. At that time Glasgow was ruled by the Montemayor family, with the Church far from view. When the fresh Archbishop arrived in Glasgow he started his charm offensive to make people realise the Church is there and alive.

Over time the Church became less popuair and more and more the military forces took over in the world. Nowadays they can even dictate who is a Bishop or a priest in a diocese, taking away that power from Rome. With this decline in the power of Rome less and less became interested to join the Universal Aristotelian and Roman Church resulting in many smaller Churches, all with their own variation on religion. Ireland tuned to the Ancient Aristotelian Church followed by England that started the United Reformed Aristotelian Church. 

During this time, Statler was elevated to Cardinal, a position he has held for the past 2 years, and he has held several positions in Rome:

  • Elevated to Cardinal Chamberlain for England, Scotland & Ireland on July 29th 1462
  • Cardinal Primate of the English speaking area's since January 30th 1462
  • Elevated to Chancellor of the Holy Office on June 16th 1461 - January 1462
  • Elevated to Vice Chancellor of the Holy Office on April 10th 1461 - June 1461
  • Elevated to Cardinal on November 11th 1460

Within the Church, Statler met a lot of interesting people as well, here follows a summary of interesting people that he has met:

  • Darienbalintyne, Cardinal Chamberlain and nowadays King of England. 
  • Latan, a Fransican brother who became my main mentor, died on board the Jenny Pirwin. 
  • Josephus, Cardinal Emeritus.
  • Kiane, travelling Priest who baptized me in Kirkcudbright, now known as Bishop of Clifton
  • Zywiec, Grand Marshal and Armsman Veteran in the Order of Her Sacred Rose.
  • Pelenor, former Parish Priest of Wigtown.
  • Kitialeah, Parish Priest of Girvan.
  • Marauder12, former Parish Priest of Kirkcudbright
  • Alanna Kyles, former Archbishop of Glasgow and Whithorn.
  • Father Hampan, my friend from Stirling, acting Archbishop of Glasgow.


As a Theologian, one of your skills is that of preaching. A Theologian can preach about five different topics. Unfortunately it is impossible to learn these things is Scotland. Therefor on my first journey to Barnstaple in September 1460 I acquired the following two ideas to preach:

  • You're sure that metaphysics is the study of first principles.
  • You're sure that the wise man must take part in the life of the City.
  • You're sure that the Divine Being is almighty.
  • You have wholly grasped the idea that sensible beauty is an image of Eternal Beauty that any Soul has already contemplated once.

The other three ideas I also believe in, but my skill is not yet enough developed to be able to preach them to others in the world.

Monarchy Edit

After a long time as Cardinal and even two terms as Duke of Galloway, Statler decided to participate in the next election for the Monarchy of Scotland. He was appointed as heir apparent of King Mercury of the Clan MacRanald already and figured it would be the next logical step to take. The choice to take this step was not an easy one, when becoming a King he knew he could no longer be a Cardinal as well. Having been with the Church for such a long time this was a most difficult decision.

With just one opponent, Maddog, Statler decided to run a campaign and see what the result would be. Unfortunately Maddog had to step down from the race, so in the end this was an easy succession. December 12th 1464 Mercury of the Clan MacRanald passed away. Soon after the elections started and early January 1465 Statler became King Statler the first of Scotland. He appointed Bishop Pelenor as his heir apparent and as his Steward. Archbishop Anna Hanley became the Royal Chaplain. And Quinsforth Gunnach was the Admiral of the Navy,

Death Edit

King His Majesty Statler, First O' his name passed away on August 20th 1465.


Sailing has always been a childhood dream of Statler, ever since he can remember he would stand on the shore and watch over the Irish sea, pondering what would lay beyond all that water. In Septemer of 1460 this childhood dream became reality when Statler and his friend Palach bought a ship, the BSC Jenny Pirwin. This ship was bought because the two Scotsmen are interested in sailing to seas and exploring the world. Their first real trip brought them to Devon to bring some passengers and trade some Scottish Whisky. Since then Statler has owned a number of ships. 


As soon as Statler had the money he bought himself a corn field. From that day on he was a proud farmer, but still with dreams of better days. On January 30th 1459 Statler decided it was time for a change and after hard working his field has become a vegstable field.

Some time later it was time for a secondary field, Statler bought a nice Corn field for a low price. Only 200 pounds did he pay for that. A nice price for a very nice field near his house.


Ever since he was a young boy Statler has been dreaming about having his own distillery and make Scotlands finest Single Malt whisky. He even has a name that this royal drink should have. Unfortunately up and untill today he has not been able to fullfil his dream.

Due to his responsibility for Kirkcudbright Statler set out to be a carpenter. This because he felt it was his duty to help his town build a improved port. So on December 30th 1459, just before the new year, Statler became a carpenter.

In September 1459 Statler decided it was time for a change, which would also bring him a step closer to his next challenge in life. So he decided to change his job from carpenter to miller.

Traveling the CountryEdit

The first time out of town was October 29th 1458 when there was a call for people to work the Gold Mine in
Drummore. Ready to do something for the County Statler joined a group of miners and decided to work the Drummore gold mine for a month. Returning back to his beloved Kirkcudbright early December 1458. In January 1459 Statler was asked by Klovn to do some trading in the county capitol, Dumfries. That is where he met Casuldraco.

In July 1459 it was again time for a trip. This time the goal was to help out with the Harbor construction in Whithorn and make some money as a trader. Actually this worked out very well. Towns like Wigtown always need fish and that is something Statler had. This was a short trip, but did result in a good cash flow improvement.

When elevated to Archbishop of Glasgow, Statler had to expand his grounds and travel beyond the county borders. Without giving it much though, he traveled by himself through Ayr into Glasgow without any troubles. Adding the towns of Ardencaple, Glasgow and Stirling to his list of visited towns.

Friends and FamilyEdit

Like everyone else in this world Statler has made friends over the time. Here is a list of people that he has been with, learned from and enjoyed hanging out with. This is of course not a complete list and will be updated frequently.

  • Wardorf_Hooper, the person that convinced Statler to live in Scotland.
  • Lance Dunbar Lord of Mochrum, my teacher in Distilling.
  • Aberfeldy, a friend that is new to this world and lives in Ardencaple.
  • Klovn, former long time Mayor of Kirkcudbright.
  • Wallace, former Trade Minister in Galloway.
  • Cecci, Mayor of Drummore at the time of Statler's first trip there. Currently mayor of Girvan.
  • Mercury MacRanald, who taught me all about mining and economics.
  • Triquetra, who brought me safely there and back home on my first trip.
  • Tamora (now calles Mysterie), with whom I had a great time in the Drummore Tavern.
  • Gerd & Ayla, a great couple I met in Drummore.
  • Palach, the young boy from Drummore who is like Statler's kid brother.
  • Casuldraco, the first and only level VII that Statler knows.
  • Roger Smith, owner of the Rusty Cog Inn at Kirkcudbright.
  • Oddd a former Town Marshall and fell Town Council member.
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